Just weeks before Roe v. Wade was overturned, I was watching the Seinfeld episode where Elaine dates this great couch-moving guy and is devasted to learn that he doesn’t support abortion. I’m a newbie to Seinfeld. Had I known what this episode was about, I would not have watched it with my Latter-day-Saint-convert-from-Catholicism-Filipina mother who had settled in nicely into Tennessee's conservatism. She was in the other room and I hoped she wasn’t paying attention, but after the couch-moving guy says the very painful-revelation-to-Elaine line, Inay chimes in with, “And we’re close to making it happen!” I rolled my eyes annoyed and naively. My sister in another room yelled as if preparing to charge into battle, “Never!”

I wasn’t always a solid pro-choice supporter. I was a fence sitter. I didn’t wanna take women’s right to choose away, but in my grief of experiencing two miscarriages I made your abortion about me. And as you can tell from that multi hyphenated description of my mother, I grew up with many ideas about abortion. I couldn’t quite buy into them fully (uh, girl, it’s because you kneeew), and I wanted to be a good Latter-day Saint so I sat on the fence of not taking rights away, but also putting family first. By the way, you can’t survive in the LDS church or, in the world for that matter, as a fence sitter. 

Motherhood would give me some perspective to why choice is so important and made the slow journey off the fence. Although I was overjoyed to have a baby after my miscarriages, the reality of parenthood hit me hard. I had an easy pregnancy and my baby was unbelievably easy. Even then, my husband and I were hesitant to do this again. My second pregnancy was a stark contrast from my first. I was sick and in postpartum recovery, I was anxious and depressed. I was once a young woman who wanted four kids, but I was actually more like Anne from the Netflix show, Working Moms, who after baby number two couldn’t do it again. I never knew women could want kids and choose to not have anymore then what they could handle.

Less than a year of my postpartum recovery, the pandemic revealed the true nature of parenting in America. Politicians and church leaders revered the family as a central unit, yet I saw many children abandoned and parents left helpless by a country who professed to care about their well being. I knew then I could not sustain the family life that I loved and be the parent I wanted to my children if my reproductive rights were taken away. Late in the summer, Jordan sat me down and told me that his job announced that they would cover travel expenses for abortions for employees and their family members. I had a choice. I had support. I was overwhelmed and I cried with relief and joy. 

Not many women have the right to choose and the support of loved ones. My vote was for you. My support is for you. 

Now about that thing where I said I made your abortion about me. I untangled those messy feelings by listening to your stories. Learning empathy by listening and to recognize when your biases get triggered is key. I love the You’re Wrong About podcast episode where Sarah Marshall shared your abortion stories. I credit the second story for the realization that I had taken women’s choice to have an abortion personally. I’ve listened to this episode twice. I felt each and every story deeply. I cried with so many of you. 

Another abortion story that I appreciated was graphic designer Debbie Millman’s, published in The Philedelphia Inquier. I could not emphasize enough the need to protect children in every way possible. The overturn of Roe v. Wade puts children vulnerable to sexual abuse at great risk. 

Lastly, I shared on my Instagram about the Philippines and reproductive healthcare. I learned from my therapist that contraception is very new to the Philippines. The Philippines has a very intertwined government and church relationship that lead to any form of contraception being banned. It was only in 2013 that the Philippines passed a bill for universal access to birth control. Today, abortion is still illegal and even with the bill, many women struggle to access birth control because of cost, making the pill only accessible to middle and upper class women. This information is from a 2017 NPR article. This is a very real issue for me as I see how the inaccessibility to reproductive rights affects my family. Every person who can get pregnant should have access to family planning and reproductive education and health care. 

Thank you for reading.

This Women for Women/Sisterhood shirt was sponsored by The Bee & The Fox. I’m wearing a size small. I love the quality of their shirts and their on-point words of wisdom. You can shop more of their expressive shirts here.