I’ve been struggling with how to keep going with my creative work when there’s so much awareness of global and national struggles. I was carrying the weight of book bans in schools, anti-LGBTQ bills, the slowing supply chain, and rising gas prices in the US. Globally, I’m following the presidential campaign in the Philippines, Putin’s war on Ukraine, and other sufferings around the world. If you follow me on my art Instagram, you probs noticed — sorry for passing on the stress!

All these events had me anxious for the future, wondering what the point was in putting together pitch decks for freelance jobs. Then there’s the worry of not wanting to appear insensitive to what’s going on globally. I was ready to jump on board with the sunflower and yellow and blue illustrations to sell for charity. My voice of reason told me that I didn’t have time for that. It’s true and I felt guilty for that truth – that I had work that I could safely do in my home. I experienced guilt following the Instagram stories of a Ukrainian fashion illustrator who has a son who is close in age to my son and with whom I share the same name. There is no rhyme or reason as to why my livelihood and my family are safe here.

There’s a lot going on right now and through the stress of it all, I look back at my week and notice two things that I was craving: sleep and mediation.

I started meditating and made the goal to do it twice a day for one week. I thought that was a doable goal. I only meditated twice this week and from that alone I became aware of the signs that I wasn’t doing well: the need for more meditation, that I was easily distracted (I could NOT stay off my phone), and that I was craving sleep. Knowing that doesn’t make it easier to get to bed by nine. It’s a vicious cycle of knowing you're tired, but too tired to take care of yourself. However, being aware is a good starting point. In Think Like a Monk Jay Shetty says, “meditation is a signal or a mirror. If you meditate and can’t focus, you’ll see that you’re living a distracted life and need to feel order, balance, and simplicity.”

I write this as a reminder to myself as I enter a new week. A reminder that there can be mindfulness in suffering (so no more with the doom scrolling) and that there is space for both suffering and growth. It’s not eloquent or profound. I just know it helps to be reminded that I need to care for myself and my own before I can help others. Now here are some photos of me being creative and I hope it inspires you to allow creativity into your life even when the times are difficult. Your time to help will come. Care for yourself now so you’ll be ready when you’re needed.

To learn more about mindfulness in suffering, here’s an On Being episode from 2003 with Thich That Hanh.

If you are able, here’s a resource to help with relief efforts for refugees.

Learn more about Ukrainian refugees in Poland on NPR and on PBS.

Notes on this outfit of the day (or days because yes, I loved it so much I wore it pretty much all week):

• I love this cocoon coat. I always knew I’d look good in a cocoon coat (thank goodness for rentals that allow me to test my style theories before dropping cash on owning a cocoon coat). Humble brag. The silhouette is versatile for any occasion and for my various style moods.

• And speaking of various style moods, I can never decide on what hat to wear or how to style my hair. I gave you 4 variations. I like my hair loosely put up with a claw clip looking like some Edwardian pompadour. It pairs well with the classiness of the pearls, but both elements contrast the leisure street style of the overall look. Then there’s the white baseball cap and the beige beanie which goes well with the street style theme. Just depends if you want to go with the quirky Life Aquatic Wes Anderson-esque beanie or the tired mom who doesn’t have time to do her hair baseball cap. 

• This outfit without the coat and sneakers works wonders as a Work From Home look; professionally stylish and comfy cozy for that show you want to binge right when your Zoom meeting ends.

• Can we give applause for gray, purple, white, and beige?! 

I am wearing a MM6 Maison Margiela purple tie sweater, a KF/KaufmanFranco Collective gray cocoon coat, SiiZu necklace, gray trousers from Frank & Oak, Nikes, and a beanie from Amazon.